I’ve been pondering what it means to be “full”. This spring when it rained, it came down hard and fast. Ponds have filled up and spilled over. Creeks have run full and fast coming out of their banks. There wasn’t room for any more water.

I’ve thought about my Mama telling me not to eat so much snack because there would be no room in my stomach for “real food”. But I hadn’t considered my heart and what a heart could be full of. I love Jesus and I know He lives in my heart…but sometimes I give Him cramped living quarters.

I have said, “My heart is full.” Usually meaning that some wonderful event has happened and I’m full of thanksgiving or joy. But shamefully, I don’t think I have always guarded my heart as well as I should.

We are told to stay in the Word. Pray. Spend time alone with the Father. And I do that. But I found myself recently thinking I wasn’t sensing His Nearness. What had happened to me? The Word tells us our Abba does not change…so if there was a change in our relationship, the fault lay with me.

I know that when we read the Word…listen to the Word…hide it in our heart…that heart holds the Word in it just like a pond holds water. But I learned recently that the same heart that holds the Word can allow unforgiveness to creep in. If our focus turns to offense and hurt…problems and failure, what we think can move into our heart and take up residence. If we are distracted, not leaving our daily hurts and problems at Yeshua’s feet, confessing our sin…that heart can fill up with unforgiveness and bitterness. And let’s face it. A heart can only hold so much. It has a capacity limit. If ugliness fills our heart there is no room for anything else. If Yeshua seems at a distance, maybe our heart is full of stuff that isn’t Him.

I was reading the Word. I was in Bible study. I was praying every morning. Crying out to Him that I couldn’t sense His nearness. When the Holy Spirit quietly spoke to my heart, “There’s too little room for me.” I was heartbroken and relieved at the same time.

Asking what it was that I was carrying that wasn’t mine to carry, a sweet time of confession and godly sorrow began. I just had not taken the time to talk to Abba to deal with issues that had piled up. So my heart was “full up” and not with the One I love…Abba God. How blessed to sit with Him sensing His nearness. Priceless.

Is your heart “full up”? With what?